Hello! My name is Negative Nancy

While I am 100% aware that "you are in charge of your reactions/emotions/feelings," there is a subconsciously negative drag on my emotions lately. Maybe it's the weather - the constant back and forth between 75 & 35 degrees - or the stress of trying to do 850,000 things all at once. Whatever it is, I've had my negative nancy costume on for the last couple of days and I'm headed straight to Debbie Downerville.

Saturday after running a 5k with Josh I set out on a search for a dress for this gala we're going to. I know, fancy right? Who would've thought that at 25 I wouldn't have a little black dress for this kind of crap. Well, believe it. I know why, though - because after 6 hours, two malls, and a million stores I hadn't found ANYTHING to wear that didn't cost a kidney. Worse yet, I was in pain. My right foot, right knee, right glute had had enough.

Sunday I'd planned on getting in some extra miles to compensate for such a short Saturday run and to celebrate Jamie @From Couch To Ironwoman's birthday. That was not to be. My right leg mounted a coup against me. Refusing to submit to the prospect of a "0" day - and mount my own resistance against my warring limb - I went to a Piyo class at the Y. It was every bit as challenging as I thought it would be, but not all that bad.

Have you noticed that I pretty much constantly complain about my knee? Don't worry, I've noticed it too. I want nothing more than to head straight into my doc's office and get some answers about what makes my knee such a pain in my ass (literally, sometimes). Unfortunately, my knee is low on the priority list at the moment in terms of health care, which leads me to the primary source of negativity right now!

I may have mentioned that last year my gallbladder and I ended our tumultuous 24 year long relationship. It was a less than amicable breakup, to say the least. Even after I had the thing removed it still played rough. It enlisted my pancreas to exact its revenge and finally after 4 days in the hospital without food or water, I was "cured."

Fast forward a year and I still have trouble eating and digesting just about anything. Particularly: whole grains, peanut butter, nuts, fats, fried food, or spicy foods. If you're relatively healthy or training for anything I dare you to try to find a protein bar or "healthy" food that doesn't have one of these in it. Spoiler Alert: you can't find one. So I have to go back and have another endoscopy, which I can tell you I'm not that excited about. I cried when they told me and poor Josh, he's such a trooper. If you find a man who demands to go with you to appointments where 99% of the conversation is about your bowel movements and menstrual cycle, hang on tight.

So that's where I am with that. Constantly stressing because I feel like crap or simply because this isn't something I can control. When my workouts suck, I can look at the problem and fix it. When my weight goes up, I can look at what I'm eating/doing and fix it. I have no real control over this (right now, at least) and it's K I L L I N G M E.  Oh yeah, and I got this in my email the other day:

I'm all for starting early, but how about you let me graduate from law school before you start getting me "pumped" for an exam that's in July mmmmkay?

But it's not all bad. Saturday was the Anthem 5k, the first leg of the Louisville Triple Crown of Running.    It was my second race with Josh and since he had been having some back trouble all week we were running just to finish. It was a really nice experience to be out there running a race for him and not for me. I wasn't concerned with my garmin or my stride, just being with him doing something I love. Our clock times even read the exact same - 31:43. Can't beat that!

I'm 99% sure he would absolutely not love me for posting this :) 

One thing that has kept me positive is reading all of your blogs! I love how everyone is going through different things at different times - there's always someone I feel like I can relate to, and someone who is inspirational. We all take our turns, I think. Don't get frustrated if I become an uber-commenter during my time of negativity. It's my coping mechanism.

Happy Running!