Sunday, March 22, 2015

This is gonna be hard

Tomorrow I officially start training for Muncie 70.3. 

Yesterday I ran a 10k and felt pretty good. 

Today I figured I'd take the bike out. It's beautiful out and the roads were pretty quiet considering it's Sunday. I managed to switch out my trainer tire for my real tire without any major issues. I was so proud of myself! I got all dressed up and headed out. Not without the dog making some epic drama out of it, of course. Oh well, to the road!

I got outside and I was nervous. The bike wasn't sounding right and I didn't think the chain was catching. I pulled the dérailleur and checked the cogs. Looked file. Still, the wheel didn't move freely. The pin was a little tight so I loosened it. That seemed to help. Ok, might as well go now. I clipped my right foot in and pushed off. The bike felt like it was bolted to the road. I tried to put my left foot down but I knew it was hopeless; I slowly tipped to the right until I hit the ground with the loud sound of metal and ass on concrete. Ow. 

The chain had in fact slipped off. I fixed it, further covering myself in grease, and clipped back in. I knew I had to get on the bike and go, lest the fear cement itself. I clipped in and got it to a more comfortable grad. Ok, this isn't bad. 

As I rounded a curve the front tire sounded soft. I did a loop and pulled back in front of the driveway. I tried to pump up he tire. Still soft. Tried again. Still soft. Assuming I had a flat, I set myself to checking the tube. I'd just done it with the back one, How hard could it be? Fought to get the tire off the rim, then checked the tube. No holes, nothing. Now to get the tire back on. I worked it back on until I had a good 4 inches left. I took the tire lever to it. No luck. I tried again and the tool slipped off and I actually punched myself in the face. I tried for 10 minutes without any luck before I gave up. 

That's when it hit me: this is going to be really hard. 

Running is hard, but it doesn't require any specialized knowledge. The only real 'fear' is of not knowing if you can make a certain distance. Triathlon genuinely scares me. Open water with so many people. Going too slow on the run & being denied a finish. And the bike. Oh god, the bike. I don't know how to fix it or take care of it. It hurts when you fall of of it. Ugh. 

So that's where I am. I feel defeated and frustrated. I feel scared and overwhelmed. This is going to be really hard. 

But I guess that's why I signed up in the first place, right? 

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